Newborns are always a special treat to photograph. I love their tiny toes and little whimpers. I have littles so sessions with babies just flow. Births are also an amazing experience to photograph but they can be super challenging too. You are on call for two weeks before and after the due date. Bags packed, and your child care also on call that whole time. It is not easily pulled off with when you have a breastfed infant of your own. During my maternity leave from birth photography I decided to take on a birth client. I had JUST had my second baby and with toddler too. Slightly overwhelming to be sure. Honestly, I think I was just surviving for those first few months.  Life was a mess. But by Winter I should be great and life would be back to normal, right? The excitement of getting the call kept me up for weeks prior. My husband and I had a plan on how it would work with the kids so I didn’t worry too much about them. It became a habit to wake up and check my phone during nursing sessions at night or just because I couldn’t sleep. Early one morning the call came. The phone didn’t ring. I didn’t wake. Two hours later my baby woke and I realized the phone call had come. Panic set in. I called and called family. No answers. Husband finally got through to his mom and she was on her way. I paced. Freaking out. Heart raced. Baby came. I was still waiting at home with an hour of drive time. I prayed. I cried for her as I drove. My heart ached. When I arrived I photographed as much as I possibly could. I apologized, refunded all money towards the birth and gave all images I had taken in that after the baby time as well as all extra images from their newborn and maternity shoots. Of course none of that fixes what happened. I understand that.

While there really is no guarantee with birth photos, it was still understandably devastating to this precious mama and myself for missing her home birth. This is horrifying for sure. My own birth wasn’t photographed due to an emergency c-section. Heart breaking as it was to miss out on those images I have slowly began to appreciate what I have, a healthy son. Gratitude wins. Gratitude for all there is to be thankful for. Ultimately this situation was out of my control, although it still eats at me. I am a perfectionist, but I know holding on to my disappointment builds… Stress increases. This wasn’t me willfully or negligently missing the birth. I love and hurt just like anyone else. Why bother talking about it? I do it because there was grace for me. This was an accident and I too am human. Forgiving myself and loving is what matters. Love wins. Gratitude and peace comes with time.

There is always hurt and pain in life. Choose forgiveness and gratitude over the negative. Let go of the bad and let peace in your heart. I choose love. I am always looking for ways to pay it forward. Please. Don’t hesitate to reach out. We could all use a little light in our lives.

Molly